Warning:This post will be a bit weird because it is late and I find myself in this weird state of being. I am sleepy but find myself up and working. I'm typing my thesis and watching Iron Chef Japan and painting my toes and surfing the net for all sorts of weird stuff--like this sandwich notepad I have been trying to track down ever since, 1985. Really.I'm determined like that.
It's weird, too, because we find ourselves at the end of 2010 and I find myself wondering where the heck the other 12 months went. I mean, I remember stuff happening, but I guess I forget to realize that time was still ticking away . Boy, what a year it has been. I don't know where to start or how to start in telling you about it but I do know that finding this notepad means something--especially now.
If you know me, you know about those noisy neighbors, the group project from hell, the class from hell, the heart break, the heart mending, the moving up, the moving out, the moving on, the inspiration, the application, and the realization that I will be misunderstood more than I will, perhaps, understand. I've learned to give up ghosts and swallow air and run faster than I ever have before.
So, I want to initiate a toast. It's to all of you who contributed to the version of me sitting here typing this blog post to you. I like her. She's like an aged leather handbag. Perfectly imperfect with stories to boot.
Thank-You. I needed the kindness. I needed the forgiveness. I needed the meanness. I needed the disregard for my feelings. I needed the music and the conversation and the opportunity to let myself go. I needed to fall and I needed to find out because I needed to find that strength within to forge a path for myself despite the inability to put it all away in a neatly wrapped package. I needed those midnight walks and those cups of coffee and those car rides during those rainstorms. I needed you not to like me and I needed you to always have me in your mind. I needed you to make me feel crazy and I needed you to make me feel wonderful.
On the eve of this beautiful new year, I thank you from the bottom of my growing heart. This year, I look forward to that thing I know is coming. I want to walk across covered bridges and eat lots of good food and tell those I love, that I really do.
Happy New Year, Er'body
