Despite growing up in the worst kind of poverty imaginable, sometimes we found ourselves rich enough to afford snack cakes. And boy, did we take advantage of that opportunity. In those days, a dollar went so far. Little Debbie and Hostess pastries were 10 cents each. We'd buy them and take them to the big magnolia tree right outside the kitchen window and eat them under the shade. We made ourselves sick but we felt rich.
Looking back on those times makes it crystal clear why I find myself, today, obsessed with food. We were poor but we had food on the table. My dear mom fought tooth and nail to make that a reality. I'd be lying if I said it was not a constant worry. However, when I came home from school there was always something waiting for me at the table. Sure, it may have only been a slice of bread or a piece of welfare cheese, but it was something and I felt human.
Since money was out of the question the majority of the time, food became the currency by which I obtained my relevance. Perhaps I could not talk about the latest movie or that show on cable television, but I could discuss, in great detail, what I had for dinner the night before. And, those special times when my mom had enough to give me a dollar, I could go to the neighborhood corner store and purchase a snack like these--with my friends. AND, by some miracle, I would always have enough to share with those friends who had it even worse than myself. Although poverty rendered me insignificant to those who did not care to see me beyond my socioeconomic status, food allowed me to cultivate a sense meaningfulness to those who did.
Through food, I learned a value system, which included generosity and sacrifice, security and vulnerability, fullness and emptiness, and an ability to believe that things can happen despite you not knowing how or when. These lessons I carry with me to this day and thank these damn snack cakes for each and every one of them.
I did not mean to go off on a tangent, but these snack cakes created by Milk Fly just did something to me in a way that makes me keenly appreciative for the tough times I've experienced so far. These past few weeks, I've been doing some soul searching and know no bad experience encountered has remained in that state. It always manages to teach me some really important lesson and further transforms me into a much better version of myself. I feel quite blessed for this and have no complaints.
It also makes me less afraid of the trials I know still rest ahead. I look forward to the subsequent transformations that will result as a consequence. I do know this--what always falls out is an increased capacity to love others and myself.
